Then what can stand against....

I am I have been slacking the past few days with my blogs I am greatly sorry, I was kinda sorta grounded.

In my past I've been very much into my Christian faith, this summer I basically fell on my face in it. Maybe it was the friends I was associated with at the time, maybe it was I was mad at Him for something, maybe it was I was confused, or maybe it was all three. Although, this past week, something hit me, it started when I began blogging. I began thinking immensely, thoughts stirring in my head running in and out of why I did the things I did this summer. I began to feel guilty, I have one life to live but I am living it on these things that are just a temp pleasure. Most of you have read my past blogs about how I want to change things, maybe this will give you a better glimpse into my heart.

Sunday, October 10th 2010, was something called UNDONE It was at my church and was a unique worshiping experience. I believe that night, and a close, incredibly bright, talented, girl, Stephanie really changed/challenged me. Recently she has started documenting teens and how we're not just a kid, we can be a difference. She and I have partnered up a bit in her quest for showing like I said, we're not 'just a kid', and she is now following me in my life and journey for what I want. Her goal is to see how much I've changed and how much I can BE the change in the coming year. Having this be my senior year it's a big thing. It's cool to having someone document things going on in your life. We were sitting behind the music all going on and she was asking me what I want to accomplish in life, it was really powerful having the music behind me as I was talking about what I want accomplished. There in that back room having her ask me these questions I came to my conclusion if I want to change things I need to be the change first. This starts with the first step, having no regrets, and completely relaying on Christ. I completely was comfortable in front of her camera, I professed everything I felt about life, God, and anything I could think of.

I am not exactly sure why I wrote this blog, I think it was just to say, I'm ready. I'm ready to do everything I can to start living for Him, a 5 month old weight has finally been lifted from these shoulders.

If you would like to read Steph's blogs (they're incredible do it) her blog spot is this...http://stephaniekhoshaba.blogspot.com/ I suggest you all read it!!

Thanks for reading my randomness and sorry I haven't been blogging the past few days. Ill be back into it :)

Love always,
Sara.

Five letters make all the difference in the world

    I like to think that I can't live without one thing. This wonderful thing that seeps from speakers, and snakes its way around your problems, to your ears, it infects you, causing you to have this constant tapping in your toes. It's simply influx's in the pitches and tones of someones voice, some good, some bad, it's angry, it's happy, it's all around all over the place. It sometimes doesn't have a name, sometimes you can't even pronounce its name. Sometimes it will tell you to do something spontaneous, radical, inspiring, or just plain down right awesome. It contains 5 letters of the alphabet, M-U-S-I-C.
    Majority of us are exposed to it from birth. I'm not one of those kids whose parents put the headphones on my mom's pregnant tummy. Nope, I'm just the kid that feel in love with the word and the idea of it from birth. I'm not sure how it started, maybe it was my mom singing to me as a baby, maybe it was the music my dad would play around the house, who knows. By the time of two I was humming along to everything, banging on my toy drum I had, singing in the fake microphone I had and putting on shows for my parents, singing my own songs. I would burst into the most random songs ever at any moment I had the change to show someone my voice.
    That simple word of music has literally pulled me out of the deepest depths of pain; emotionally, sometimes physical, many times mentally, pumping me up for games or tournaments.I have no idea what it is about it but it just has those tricky ways of making its ways to your soul, making it flip flop and change complete attitudes.I feel if you want to be a musician professionally you cannot ever judge others music because then others will judge you more harshly.So to be honest, I really do not dislike any kind of music. My Ipod has Avenged Sevenfold to Miley Cyrus, Lil' Wayne to Phil Wickham, Dubstep to Michael Jackson, basically every genre you could think of. Although, some of those artists I may like more than others it still doesn't mean I'm not open to all kinds of music.

    Sometimes in the middle of class I will literally stare off into space and imagine myself bursting into song... kinda like High School Musical? Quite embarrassing I know, you know that song Billionaire? I think that song fully describes the way I feel about music, "....Oh every time close my eyes, I see my name shinning lights, yeah, a different city every night, oh right, I swear the world better prepare, for when I'm a billionaire." I love the rush of being on stage, that adrenaline rush when the kick starts, the burst of ecstasy when the crowd firsts hears you open your mouth, it's like medication for the soul. I look forward to that day when I stand in front of a crowd of THOUSANDS and feel that feeling epically. I will still go by the statement that I said to my sister when I was 5 "I will be famous one day, and when you're mean to me, I wont let you ride in my limo." (I'll still let her ride in my limo) but point being, is that I've had this dream since I was five, what makes it change now?
   So to that day when I stand in front of all proclaiming what I love most, that five letter word, that solace in the darkness, my ultimate vice, I will always dream and be determined. No backing down to this girl, it's going to take alot more than just a "Stop singing cause it's annoying." To make me quit what I love. :)

-Sara

"WHOA dream big!!"
-Juno

quirks.

Quirks...;;
I was shoved into the scary world on march 12th.
I am addicted to my phone.
I get uncomfortable when people look at me.
I am the worst saver in the world.
I love Phoenix Axe.
I am in love with this place called Camp Barnabas.
My heart beat is to music.
Car-washes make me nervous.
Pigs Frighten me.
I am single and happy. :D
I like dancing in the rain.
Thunderstorms make me happy.
I always have a song stuck in my head.
I make lists of randomness.
I am a big procrastinator.
If I want something I will go for something.
I'm very determined to make a name for myself in the world.
I count my steps.
I constantly am keeping a beat to a song.
I don't like bread, only tortillas.
I always speak my mind.
If something makes me mad, I tend to blurt what I'm feeling.
I accept everything, and everyone.
I can't stand having long nails.
I'm really open about my life.
I love running but will say I hate it.
I will do what I want when everyone says not to.
I'm really unfashionable.
I have a best friend who I've never met.
I am reluctant to understanding lax it confuses me greatly.
I take pictures of everything.
I write random poems.
I write music.
I have a baby guitar.
I tend to be really stupid in the choices I make.
I am a big dork.
I love video games.
I'm cocky about random things.
I enjoy fast food.
I cant eat fat without causing me internal pain.
I bust my headphones alot.
I'm really messy.

I'm a dork, I'm a loser, I'm a weirdo, I'm a lover, I'm a daughter, I'm a sister, I'm a niece, imma difference. :)

Do the impossible... Do it, I dare you.

     What do you do when you are approx 22 hours straight driving, and 1,335 miles away from someone, when you are their literal life line? You accomplish the hardest thing of your life. On July 8th 2010 I had a conversation with a good friend of mine, Chris, he was on the edge of killing himself. That day he had stood up for a friend and got into a fight with a kid, causing him to be badly hurt. With that, he was upset that he wasn't able to help the friend like he hoped to. I could ramble on and on about this young man and the situation he was in but I will put it into short form.

     July 9th 2010 he called me and said "Sara...." in a very eerie tone and hung up. Instantaneously I knew something was really wrong, he told me earlier he wasn't home which made it worse. Immediately I got onto Skype to see if I could talk to his brother because they shared an account. He was on, I messaged him telling him, "I know you don't know me, but you need to find your brother, something is seriously wrong" Obviously, he was very confused, a random girl from Michigan he's never met before is telling him his brother is in danger. Mike called Chris, like I expected, no answer. I told him that he wanted to commit suicide. He told me Chris went out with friends earlier that day and he would find him. The situation was critical at this point. Twenty minutes later, I receive a message at 12:58 A.M, "We found him, he is unconscience in his car, but ok, he put his car in his friends garage and tried to suffocate himself,  he had written a suicide note, you were mentioned...He wanted to thank you for trying to be so supportive and friendly and there for him" At that point I knew I did the impossible...... If I blew off the feeling of knowing somethings wrong and not telling Mike, Chris wouldn't be alive to this day. Chris now happily lives with his family in Canada, every once and a while we will talk about what happened that night. He is by far the coolest Malaysian/Holland/UK/Houston/Canadian kid ever, I am blessed to have him as a friend.
     From me to you... do the impossible, dare to dream. Although, always have the support you can, Ben Mackowski, he was the one who really helped me all through that night, as I was crying my eyes out hour after hour. The moral of the story is to live without regrets, live life to the fullest, because with those regrets, they'll hold you back from who you really are.

"My philosophy in life is, don't regret anything you do, because in the end it makes you who you are"
-Quote from Thirty Seconds to Mars --Closer to the Edge.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLqHDhF-O28&ob=av2n


Thank you to Chris who let me share his story and his triumph. Lots of love to you dude :) xxx 


-Sara

"Stand up. Speak out."

     In my post yesterday, I said I cant stand two words, "gay" and "retarded". I bluntly spoke how I felt about the gay community and how we treat them, as Christians, or as not. As a Christian, or as not, we have all been in those awkward situations with the disabled kid being picked on or bullied. Most will sit and ponder, Shall I take a stand, do what's right? Although, then I'm risking my reputation. Or maybe just keep my mouth shut, Someone will stand up for him/her. I cannot even tell you how many times I have been in this situation.
      I was the bullied many times, in Kindergarten it was "HAHAHA you have red hair!" (Basically oh, you're different ew). Middle School it was "You are too skinny, zitty, skinny-legged, and red haired" High School it's been "You are too loud, you are obnoxious, you don't shut up, you have red hair."

      Back to my point. We bully those who are different than us, in all of those situations mentioned my red hair. I am not going and say I have never bulllied or made fun of someone, because that would be a lie, I very well have. The beginning of high school I was tired of being treated like dirt and would lash out and say things that were truly hurtful and deafening to the soul. I have developed a heart of stone to words of others because of it. Like I said in the beginning of my blog, we have all experianced the disabled kid being picked on. This is the only thing that will melt the heart of stone.
      For the past two summers of my high school career I have attended a camp called Camp Barnabas. It is for the mentally, and physically challenged kids who don't get to do normal kid stuff. Some of the examples are riding a horse, rock climbing, going on the ropes course, canoeing or going camping in the woods. There, I am a C.I.A, (Christian in Action) you have a buddy for the whole week who is disabled and you are there best friend. This last summer I had a camper named Morgan, she had MS, a debilitating disease that causes extreme pain and the nerves to misfire. She would often tell me stories of how kids at home would make fun of her because she was in a wheelchair sometimes, just because she was different. What gives a human being the right to make fun of one? Ever! You and I were more than likely, both born with two eyes, ears, a tongue, a mouth, two legs, two hands, two, arms. What makes us so different, besides the fact you make have brown hair, I have red hair, you may to hear all that is said to you, and I may not because of my loss of hearing. Just how do you have the courage to look someone straight in the eyes who may not be able to look you straight back because they are autistic and cannot comprehend you, and say, you're weird and shouldn't talk. When ever is that okay, you and them are both human beings, the same kind.
     A close friend of mine Emily P. has a quote on her Facebook that reads "You are not alone. You are strong. You have a voice. You are beautiful. You are intelligent. There are many kids who want to speak up for you, but they don't because they are afraid of becoming bullied themselves" It makes you stop and think, there are the good kids out there. Be that good kid, I know you want to. For myself, and I am sure MANY others, if they saw you standing up for a kid that is disabled or for anyone that matter, you would not loose respect but you would gain it.
    Every blog I basically have been challenging you. This time, I want you to stand up for that person, say something, don't sit there in your own ignorance, selfishness and greed. Say "Hey, stop it." As lame as it sounds, it could mean all the world to that kid.You never know if you saved the kids life or not. That one comment, its hope, hope for his soul, hope that there is someone that cares out there, hope that there may be change.
     To the bullies out there, stop now when you can, make all the difference in the world to that kid, you never know how quickly it can change.
    To the bullied, never give up and always have hope, there is always someone out there that cares about you. Go to your safe place and listen to music, play guitar, or your favorite sport. You are loved. Just always know there are betters things out there than to end your life.

Be the hope. Be the change. Be the revolution. Be the chain reaction.

-Sara
For information on bullying-- http://www.twloha.com/
Thank you Emily P. for letting me use the quote.

It gets better? Huh....

There are few things that I cannot stand at all being heard, seen, said, or done. A couple of those are if one will make fun of my hearing loss, my or any others weight, or if I hear the words "gay" or "retarded". Just typing them make me cringe. I have been raised in a completely Christian home, my parents took me to church every Sunday from the time I entered the world until about now.
    Over the years of my observation and seeing the way Christians or any other will act around gays make me sick. Myself, I am not gay, but what angers me is how we push them away, critize, or fight with ones who support there life choice. I thought I'd make this clear right away. I believe in Christ, the Bible, and what it stands for and what it says. Do not get me wrong on that. Although, it's how society treats one of that sexuality, that will make me blow my top.
    In the past month there has been 4 suicides from bullying. One of those four was homosexuality related. Tyler Clementi, he was as young man who chose to be openly gay. From my research I found that his roommate video taped the young college man having sex. He then posted it on the internet. Of course like our society is, they were all over it. A few days later, he committed suicide. A quote from Mtv's article**, "We have a situation in the past few weeks that focuses attention on the reality of how rampant bullying is in our society and how fragile young people, particularly LGBT young people, are," openly gay New York Council Speaker Christine Quinn explained. "And we wanted to send a message tonight to people who engage in bullying and harassment: It is dangerous. It is not an act without victims. It is literally something that can kill someone else." Just recently 50 cent made a remark on his twitter that "if you are over 25 a man and (don't do a certain act) you should just kill yourself, **** it. The world will be a better place lol." These are the remarks that send these kids over the edge.
     I think just point blank and honestly, we need to accept others. Yes, they are gay, lesbian, bisexual, but who am I to judge them? You  never know how their home life was. What you live at home influences who you are. When you are young if you are a girl, I am sure your mom dressed you in frilly girly clothes, why, because this is how our society views a girl. For a boy, I'm sure it was grungy, go play in the dirt attitude, this is how society views our boys. It's the way you were raised, its engraved in your head to dress that way. Say, you were raised in a house were they said being gay is completely fine, that is now engraved in your head, this is an envioronmental distinction that has now been made. More than likely that kid is going to grow up to be so. What I am saying is it is not always that persons fault, it's the enviornment they were raised in. So to all the gays, lesbians, bisexuals that have read this, you go on and live your life, love who you want, but know I personally am always praying for you and your hopes to see what is right, and what is wrong.

One last thing I want to share, is Tyler Oakley, my favorite gay man alive. He made a video called It Gets Better. I want everyone to read/watch it and think about your actions you have made in the past. Start a chain reaction of kindness towards gays.
http://www.youtube.com/user/tyleroakley?blend=2&ob=4#p/c/61488594D1D09C18/0/3NJ8b300e94

**Mtv's Article: http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1649228/20101004/story.jhtml?xrs=eml_MTVNews1

First(ish) blog.

I posted this on tumblr but enjoyed the layout of this better.

    So I couldn’t exactly think if I should do something serious, funny, witty, or a combination of all. I just figured I’d do something like explaining me who I am, why I live, yada yada yada.
     First of all, my name is Sara, I was dropped into this thing we call society 17 years back. I attend a school, in the Metro-Detroit area. I walk into the doors of the hormone infested zoo every morning to go learn in my prison cells. I attend six prison cells a day until 2:14 pm where I am release and retreat to my car, Kermit. It’s a green Bonneville…very old. R.I.P Pierre, my Saturn. Anywho, I live in a house with a sister, my mom, and dad. I work my booty off at a local grocery store, always fun. Then I  have these people I call my friends, sometimes I’m not sure why, because they are the weirdest, most crazy, influential, smart human beings ever. There is Lauren, Melanie, Kristie, Becca, Kirby, and Ashely. They all have a place in my heart and know where that place is, and where they stand. :)
     I’m not your average 17 year old girl. I don’t like shopping, being girly, squealing in the hallways, gossiping about the latest couple or sitting back and letting the world fly by before my eyes. I am the girl that loves sports and will openly talk about them, being in the mud and dirt, gossiping about the latest draft, and standing up for what I believe in and passionately changing something. If you know me, you probably know that I can’t stand seeing others in pain, and will go out of my way to help them. You know, I’ll do what I know is right even if all of society is saying Sara, this is impossible and completely absurd. Since I was little I knew I was made for better and greater things than this hum-hoe town in the Metro Area. I knew one day I’d make it in the big time, it wouldn’t be for the fame, or the money or the acceptance, it would be for me, my soul.
     Now, Friday,  Oct., 1st Rachel’s Challenge came to my school. The speaker was incredible, he spoke of love and how we need to be kind to others because you never know when it can start a chain reaction. The girl, Rachel, was the first person killed in the Columbine shooting, 1999. The odd thing is, Rachel and I had alot of things in common. She would go out of her way to be kind to someone, she couldn’t stand watching others in pain, she would ask the kid sitting in the corner to come sit with her at lunch. Most of all she knew that she would one day be the change in the world. After the speaker spoke, I quietly walked myself up to the stage, stood in front of him, said “My name is Sara….” and just lost it. I was blubbering like a baby. I know that my school needs a change and I am so determined to be part of that.
I want to be known for bigger and better things, I will one day be written in the history books. I can’t tell you exactly what that is but I will one day do it. Here is my question to you… are you ready to be that change? Do you have the determination, blood, sweat, and tears, to go out of your way and make a difference? If you do I want you to follow me in my quest for a change, for a revolution. Our generation is always kicked on the ground saying we are worthless, spoiled brats. But those who say that are the ones who raised us. So let us come out on top and in 5, 10, 15 years prove to those who doubted, that we made a monumental change, and our generation is now written in the history books and the one who stood up for what they believed in. So let us honor Rachel’s Challenge… let us start a chain reaction.
For more information on Rachel’s Challenge go to http://www.rachelschallenge.org/.
-Sara.